Have you ever found yourself at a place where you are angry with God? There are so many circumstances that we face each and every day that it is very possible to find yourself feeling angry, but is the anger that you might be aiming at God being aimed in the right direction?
On Thursday of last week we marked the 2-year date since a horrible house fire occurred and we lost our daughter, Mandy, son-in-law Scott and two of our precious grandchildren, Lizzie and Judah. Many people have asked if I was angry at God and I can honestly say that not one single time have I found myself angry at Him. I can say that I feel like I have been totally honest with God though. He and I have had some pretty intense conversations over the past two years. I have spoken freely to Him and why not He already knows what I am thinking and feeling even if I don’t speak it. He knows how devastated and hurt I was, and still am. He knows I do not understand, and never will why He choose to take them when He did or in the manner in which they were taken. He knows that there are days when I cry often and feel lonely and lost without them here. He knows exactly how I feel each and every day.
God has shown me so much over the last two years. He has reminded me daily that I am not alone, and He has stood by my side even on the days and nights when I don’t have the physical or emotional strength to stand another moment and I can’t even utter a prayer.
Matthew 6:8 (KJV) “Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him.”
Romans 8:26 (KJV) “Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.”
People have said to me: “Rhonda, you have every reason to be angry with God” and the simple truth is; no, I don’t. You see God has been so very good to me. I am blessed beyond measure. I have so many things to be thankful for, a home, a husband and our family. We have an amazing church family and friends who are more family than anything.
God gave me my daughter, Mandy. I was gifted with her but ultimately, she belonged to God, as did Scott, Lizzie and Judah. Scott and Mandy lived their lives for God and were bringing up their children to do the same. That being said, God had a plan for their lives and that fire was a part of it.
Psalm 37:23 (KJV) “The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way.”
God ordered their steps and He has ordered the steps of myself and my family as well. Those steps have led us down a path that none of us could have ever imagined looking the way it does. We certainly never imagined that our new normal would look the way does or feel the way it does. Does that make it any less painful, most definitely not? The pain is there and very real, we feel it every day, some days more than others. But I believe without question that God has a plan and a purpose for each of us. Do I understand the why? No, but I don’t have to. I just my trust and believe and keep moving forward, keep seeking what it is that God would have me to do next.
Our ladies are just finishing up on a study of the Book of Ruth and I could totally relate to Naomi. Naomi changed her name to bitter after the loss of her husband and two sons, she felt like God had dealt harshly with her, but I never saw her show anger towards God. In the end look at what God did in the lives of Naomi and Ruth. They had a kinsman redeemer in Boaz and through the marriage of Boaz and Ruth comes the lineage of Christ. How awesome is that? Look what God did through Ruth, a widow, who truly knew grief.
In the study we learned that you have to be willing to be willing. I am willing to be willing for God to use me and my family however He leads.
I don’t know what you are going through, but I do know that grief comes in all forms. It can be caused by a death of a loved one, the loss of a job, of a relationship. Financial hardships can bring grief as well. Whatever it is that you are going through if you find yourself feeling angry at God let me encourage you to first of all pray, pray, pray. Don’t be afraid to share with God your true feelings about your situation. Yell, cry, scream, pound on the desk, but let it out. I am not going to promise it will take away the pain, but it will help. Search the scriptures, Psalms has been such a blessing to me. God will give you what you need. And look around, find the blessings that God has put in your life, they are there, I promise. Finally just curl up in His lap and hide yourself under His wing of protection. He’s got this (whatever it is) and He’s got you.