We live in a world where the topic of roles in marriage is taboo. We get strange looks when we talk about words like submission and respect in marriage. Our husbands are thought to be monsters or dictators, ruling with a lead thumb, pushing down their women.
This isn’t the picture of roles in marriage that we see in the Bible. This isn’t the way roles in marriage works out in our relationship. You can follow Biblical principals in marriage without becoming oppressed.
Biblical Roles in Marriage
I am a wife. I hold to traditional values and roles in marriage. But I am not oppressed.
I stay home – not because my husband requires it, but because I see it as a holy calling in my life. My ministry.
I homeschool – not because my husband wants our family in a bubble, but because we see it as discipleship into our children’s lives.
I submit- yes, I said the dirty word – to my husband. I respect him.
So, what does this look like? So many people think this means I never go to lunch without asking, that I can’t make a decision for myself and that my identity will be lost in the next 20 years as I raise our children.
When God created woman – He created us because the man was lonely, and had a job bigger than he could do on his own. He created us to be companions, to be the most intimate and personal relationship with our husband. He gave us a job to help our husbands do the ministry that God has given. He created us to tend to our children – not to parent alone, but we are created differently.
Both men and women were created in the image of God. God is perfect, though – and we are not. I believe it takes both a man and a woman, united in marriage, to be the ultimate image bearer of God. I believe that is one of the reasons God esteems marriage so highly – it is our goal to be the representation of Christ here on this earth.
But we are imperfect. We have sinned. We are not God. We cannot do it alone. That is why God created both male and female- not so that one would be superior over the other, but that both would need each other.
Men are created in the protector image of God. Men are the might of God. They are the leader of the home- scripture gives them this place.
Women are created in the image of God’s heart. Full of compassion and grace. Loving. But the greatest quality I think is meekness.
See, women are strong. It is to women that God gives the beautiful – and hard- gift of child-bearing. It is to women who God gives the nurturing role.
Our roles are different. It doesn’t mean we have to stay at home, or homeschool, – but if that is what will bring God glory, and if that is what is the best help to our husband than it is what we do. Our role and job as a wife is important!
It doesn’t mean we are doormats. My husband and I talk through every decision in our home. Not one is made alone. I am free to go to lunch and do shopping without “checking in” – but we have a mutual submission and accountability.
Just because the roles in marriage are different doesn’t elevate one above the other. Even though God has made the man be the spiritual leader of our home doesn’t mean that my worth just got knocked down.
No. It just means our roles are different. When I function in my role- first submitting to God, and then my husband (because let’s face it – submitting to your husband is impossible without first submitting yourself unto God), we are bringing glory to God. Our household functions smoother. There is no power struggle.
Our kids live in a state of peace and security knowing that dad and mom are a team.
That is really what God intended. Teamwork. Both giving 100% – but doing different jobs.
Worshiping With My Life,