As I watched the minutes tick closer to midnight, my heart began to beat fast. I was so excited. New Year was one of my favorite times. I love new beginnings – and the New Year is one of the biggest new beginnings we get. The last few days of the year had been hard. The baby had been down sick since Christmas- and I was ready to just leave that behind us, along with a few others things, and start fresh.
Yet, 12:00 hit, and there wasn’t anything magical. The baby didn’t get better. The new beginning I was looking for – didn’t happen.
It didn’t get any better. Two days into the New Year, I got news that my brother and his wife, and their two little ones, would be moving. Our families are extremely close. Both babies had been born during our adoption wait – and I think I threw a little extra “baby loving” on them, while longing for a baby of my own. My sister in law has been my closest friend in many ways since getting married and moving here. We shared a lot with them – we got married 4 months apart, both moved to a new state as soon as we got married, and both jumped right into motherhood. Her friendship was going to be missed tremendously.
The first few days of my new year were spent in tears. Crying over the fact that my little one was sick, and I was beyond tired. Crying because I wanted my holiday to go different – with more fun family activities – that we could not do because the baby was sick. The news about our families move came before Judah had started feeling better.
I sat on my bed, crying, asking God for a New Year’s re-do. The New Year was starting – and I wasn’t feeling it.
I had picked my word for the year- Renew. I had decided I was going to memorize verses back when I made my New Years goal that would go along with this word, or this idea that I wanted to focus on. The first verses I had chosen has been my life line – it is what has gotten me through these hard days.
Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles;they shall run and not be weary;they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40;30-31
My New Year has started anything from happy. I was struggling from the very depths of my soul to just get through – and it was only January 2nd.
Yet, as I was working on memorizing my verse, God reminded me of something
I didn’t need my new year to start off happy. I needed to rekindle my joy – and I needed to follow the verses he had given me.
Yes, we are all going to grow weary and exhausted at times. I was feeling that way. My heart and my mind. Yet, it wasn’t going to be physical rest that fixed my problem. No, it was going to take waiting on the Lord, and renewing my strength. If I was going to make it through these hard times – it was going to take me waiting on the Lord and His strength.
We can’t do this life on our own. It just doesn’t work. When we do – we will become weary and exhausted.
So, maybe your like me. Maybe your New Year hasn’t started off quite the way you imagined. Maybe it has been far from happy. Remember that we don’t need happiness- we need joy. Joy comes from the Lord, and we can find that joy as we wait for Him.
Worshiping With My Life,