There have been moments in life that have felt like everything was falling apart. Where I have cried out to God- where I have asked why. Where I feel like the testing can not get anymore intense – and then it does.
Those moments – where do we run? In those moments, who we are truly comes out. What happens when testing comes?
The very first thing we learn in Job is who he is. He was known to be blameless and upright, one who feared God and shunned evil. That was who God said He was. It wasn’t just what others thought of him – it is what God knew about him.
Job loses everything in that very first chapter. He loses earthly possessions, his riches, and even his children. One after another, servant after servant comes in, telling Job he has lost.
Yet, who Job is shines – and it is just who God said that he was:
Then Job arose, tore his robe, and shaved his head; and he fell to the ground and worshiped. And he said: Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return there. The Lord gave, and the Lord takes away: blessed be the name of the Lord. In all this Job did not sin nor charge God with wrong. Job 1:20-22
When the testing came- Job came out just as God had said. He came out blameless and upright. He came out fearing and worshiping God. He came out running from evil. He never charged God with wrong.
What about me? When the testing comes – is my response worship? Am I blameless in my suffering?
Then, the very next day, Job’s character is tested again. This time, his integrity is added.
His very own wife tells him to curse God and die.
Yet, Job remains true to his character.
Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall not accept adversity? In all this Job did not sin with his lips.
The grief came. And even in his lowest moment- he never cursed God. Sure, he asked why. I don’t think God minds our questions. But he never cursed God. Not with his lips, not with his actions.
Would the same be true of me?
I remember a few years ago, I was goign through one of the darkest moments of my life. My grandmother had fallen ill – suddenly. Her life was in the balance. She was an extraordinary woman, and my best friend. I did not want to lose her. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.
Worst of all – it was my birthday.
My parents had gone to care for her, and I was left home to care for my older high school and college age siblings. No, they didn’t need a babysitter- but it was a difficult time for our family.
I remember driving home that day, worship music full blast.
And these verses came to my mind.
I turned the car radio off, and to no one in-particular – I yelled (yes, yelled)
I will not curse God and die.
The moment was crushing me. I didn’t want to go home to an empty house. I didn’t want to go home and wait for the phone call that would tear my world apart. BUt worst of all, I did not want this moment to crush my walk with God. I did not want it to cripple me.
The same was true just a few short months ago when our adoption fell through. I remember getting off of a phone call with our socail worker and crying. I cried and I cried. Yet, I was not going to let Satan take that moment.
I was not going to let the enemy take my grief and use it to turn me against God.
I will not curse God and die.
I don’t know what battle you are going through right now. I don’t know what tough place your in. But I do know this- it does not have to crush you.
You have a choice. You choose. You decide if this moment, no matter how tough, no matter how dark, is going to crush you.
Or, if it is going to push you to worship.
Yes, you might rip your clothes. Yes, you might pull your hair. You may cry gut wrenching tears until you have nothing left in you. There may be no voice left for you screaming why to the Lord.
But it didn’t crush you. You can turn that moment into a moment of beauty. Where you take those ashes and let them be beautiful as you lay them in surrender at Jesus feet.
There. There you can find what true sacrificial worship looks like. Stretched out, arms open, tears pouring down your face, but a heart that is surrendered. A heart that is blamless and full of integrity. A heart that won’t curse God.
There – in the midst of your deepest pain – you can worship.
It will hurt- but it will bring healing.
Don’t forget, you will be able to get the whole Job series here:
Be sure to join my other friends from the Good Morning Girls Leadership Team here:
Don’t forget- the FERVENT Study will start on Monday, January 11th! The post will go live at 8 pm Monday night- and I will be on Periscope at 7:30 PM to share about it!
Worshiping With My Life,