It’s been a little less than a month since I said “I do.” The honeymoon is over and my husband and I just moved. Man oh man was that a test of how we communicate! And let me say it now, we failed!
The first problem is: I stink at communicating what I’m thinking. I have serious ADHD and while I have 1000 thoughts in my head, it is a rare occasion that all those thoughts come out and that those that do make it out of my mouth make sense.
The second problem is, my husband is not great on the listening end. He either doesn’t hear what I say or can’t make sense of my mumbo-jumbo speak.
That being said, we needed to find a solution and quick before this move became a disaster. We had already had some major miscommunication that could have turned out worse if they hadn’t been corrected. So, here’s what we did.
1. Make eye contact.
When talking to each other we are now making sure to make eye contact with one another. By making eye contact we can be sure that we have the other persons attention and that they are focused on our words.
2. Speak clearly.
One of the biggest problems that my husband and I both have (being in our early twenties) is that we both mumble, BIG TIME! So we both have started working on speaking clearly when talking so that there are no misheard words.
3. Speak slowly.
I, being the lovely ADHD woman that I am, speak, type and think at about 100 miles per hour. I really am the only person in our relationship with this problem but I can tell you he seems to understand a lot more when I speak slowly. (No matter how frustrating it is for me, it’s helpful.)
4. Ask questions.
Often times during the move I would give my husband some instruction and he would go off and do something that wasn’t necessary at all. And I later asked him why this happened and he said it was because he didn’t understand the instructions I had given him clearly. Which leaves us with this great advice. If you don’t know what you’re supposed to do, ASK!
5. Confirm with one another.
Great tools to communication are using sentences like “Are you ready?” “Did you get/understand that?” or “Is that okay with you?” By confirming with one another, it is easier to agree in tough situations and to keep the calm.
So far, these seem to be helping in our very new marriage. Let me know what you think? How long have you been married and what is your number one tip on communication?!