Shopping with my teenage daughter is one of my favorite task. Over the last few years, she has gotten a fun taste of fashion, she is thrifty, and I think she is one of the most beautiful girls on the planet. However, shopping with my teenage daughter can be one of the hardest task EVER – because modesty and teenage culture don’t always go hand in hand.
I am a blessed with a daughter who desires modesty. However, I am also blessed with a very tall (very beautiful) daughter. She is 5’6″ and very slender. Because of her build, it makes it hard to find clothes that are modest. Even the shorts that are modest on most girls are not always the right length for her.
This last week, Bekah needed shorts for a school field trip. As I shopped along, I found so many pairs of shorts that were not appropriate. Not just to my standard – but even to her school dress code. I was so frustrated. Not only were the shorts not appropriate to our standard (which I will get to in a minute) but they were not even ones she could wear to school. They were either too short (even for me at 5’2″) or they were so shredded that there was nothing covering from the pocket to the bottom – just threads. I was only able to buy two pairs of shorts that were appropriate. I asked the cashier about school appropriate shorts- and she said the two pair I had in my hand were the only ones she knew of.
Mama, if we would quit buying inappropriate wear for our daughters – shorts that don’t even match the school dress code, let alone a higher standard that we should have- the companies would make more shorts that were appropriate.
It isn’t just shorts. It is dresses. Shirts. Let’s not even talk about bathing suits.
I said when I started this series that I wasn’t going to give a list of do’s and don’ts. That modesty was an issue of the heart. It is. I won’t back down from that. However, as Moms, we need to be sure that we are doing the right thing and teaching our girls some modesty.
The one thing I tell Bekah is that if it is uncovered, it is good for the eye. Any place that skin is showing is an open welcome for the eye of anyone to look. F. Dean Hackett said it well when he said that where the skin line is, is where the boys will look. So, we have to be very careful where we put the skin line.
I haven’t given Bekah a ton of length guidelines- because everyone is built different. I don’t want to give her one standard and Lizzie, our youngest, another. So, we try to be fair. We try clothes on. We leave lots of time for clothes shopping. We do have some basic standards that might be helpful for your girls as well.
- Shorts are mid-length – I don’t look for a certain number of inches. We try them on. All shorts don’t have to be to the knee – but they do need to go past fingertips. This is harder for Bekah because she is very long. However, we have found that there are several places that do still offer the longer shorts.
- Undershirts- We do undershirts under shirts that might be a bit too short (again, an issue for longer people). We also do undershirts to cover cleavage. We encourage our daughter to put a hand under neck (Collar bone area). He shirt should touch the bottom of her hand. All V-necks get an undershirt. I am fine with tank tops – but we usually layer them.
- Bathing Suits- Cover ups are worn anytime you are not in the water. We do not do bikinis.
Those were just are basic ideas. We encourage her to have the right attitude about her clothes. This isn’t always easy. We do have moments of really praying through and discussing clothing options. However, she knows that Daddy and I are protecting her.
How can we help our girls with modesty? We start with being good role models are self. We start when our girls are little- and if they are already older, we can talk to them about the importance of modesty. We can talk about the heart of it.
Join us later this week as we talk about Modesty and our teenage boys!
To see the start of our series- join us for the Heart of Modesty.
Worshiping With My Life,