The email came in without pomp and circumstance, but my heart was immediately connected. I could feel that same heart beating in my throat.We responded to the email… and another email… and then, we began to wait. A wait within a wait.
Yet, the call didn’t come. An email came instead.
But, God is still faithful – and I praise Him.
A few weeks ago, we had received an email about the placement for a baby. Scott and I were excited. Nesting took place immediately as I tried to think of all the things that needed to get done in order to bring a baby home. The due date was not a long way off, and so I knew that if this was the baby…. OUR BABY… I needed to be ready.
We were told that if we were the family chosen, we would get a phone call. If not, an email. Needless to say -with every ding and ring my phone made, my heart was in my throat. But, none of the calls were “the one”. Each email that came through made me not want to open it -fearful that my heart would break.
Then it did.
Sitting alone, at home. The email noise buzzed, and absentmindedly, I flipped it down. The subject line made my heart sink. I knew.
Seems like it shouldn’t matter, right? I never met the mom. Never saw her sweet baby bump. I was given no promise.
But, in adoption, you give your heart. Before there is a birth mom. Before there is a baby – or a bump. You give your heart. It is a risk.
Yet, this morning, as I was reading in Exodus, I was reminded of this –
God is faithful.
How does this apply to what we have been reading this week in Exodus? Well, let’s dig in.
First of all, we have been reading about how into the details God is. God has specific plans for how the Tabernacle should be built, and how the alter should be built. He knew how he wanted the Lampstand taken care of, and what the priest should wear. Every detail – God planned – and God knew.
The same has been true in our adoption. Every plan – even the ones He hasn’t shared with me yet- He knows. He knows how He is building my little one- and in whom he is building them. He knows the pieces of our family that we have yet to meet, and how He will meet the need for the fiances we need for the adoption. Every need. He knows.
Second, he set apart Aaron and his sons for the priesthood. He has also called us to be priest – and has set us apart too. We have been called for His high purpose – and that is something to praise about.
He has set apart my child for me as well. He has placed that child in my family, even though they are not here yet. He has called them mine. It is a done deal in his book. I am reminded that God orchestrates family lines- just like he did for Aaron.
Lastly, he did these things so that the children of Israel could KNOW.
And they shall know that I am the Lord their God, who brought them up out of the land of Egypt, that I may dwell among them. I am the Lord their God. Exodus 28:46 NKJV
God is doing this work in my life so that I will KNOW. Know that He is faithful. Know that He has a plan. Know that He is working all things to my good. Just like He did things in Exodus so that the children of Israel would know – He is doing the same thing in me.
He proved His faithfulness to the nation over and over again – and through this time in my life, He has proved He is faithful again and again. Even though I am incredibly sad- with tears flowing as I write- I praise Him – for He is faithful, and I love what He is teaching me through this process.
As I wrap up today, I want to give a word of advice to any Mama’s out there who are adopting- or looking to adopt, and might feel the sting of rejection. Remember. God loves you. He is for you – and has the right baby for you. The one whose life YOU are going to impact for all eternity. The birth-family you can impact for all of eternity.
But grieve your loss. She was yours – even if only in your heart- for an instant.
But then… oh, then. Praise Him. He is faithful. He is continuing to show you how into the details He is. That He has a plan for you- and the sweet little one who has found her forever family. In the family that THEY belong.
So weep, and rejoice (with probably more weeping) and then, just KNOW that He is faithful. He will prove it again and again.
Check out some of my favorite girls post from our reading this week
Worshiping With My Life,