If you follow the adoptive world at all – you find men and women who are passionate about their cause. There is no doubt about it. You know when you meet someone who is passionate about orphans, adoption, or foster care. Usually, they have a passion for all three – although they are only active in one (the three truly are connected). However, adoptive parents need support – because although they are vocal – they are not often supported – even by those closest to them.
The answer to the question at hand is simple- and yet so complex. It is multifaceted, and different for each parent – even within the same household. However, I can think of 4 reasons why most adoptive parents all need support.
- They often feel alone- Even though it seems like there are lots of families out there that are adopting, the reality is, many are not close by. Sometimes, even those who are closest to the family don’t understand. There may even be close friends or family members who are not as supportive as the parents thought they would be. This is really hard since the parents are so passanionate.
- They often feel helpless- There is so much about adoption that the parents are not in control over. Women who are pregnat are in control of thier bodies. They know the nutrition and doctor care that they are getting. Adoptive parents don’t know that about every minute of their babies time in the womb. We can’t control their enviroments. We are learning to trust God in a whole new way. Many are trying to raise money for the adoption. Unless God has blessed you specifically – adoption is expensive. Many adoptive parents feel like they have a great support system. They think everyone they know will chip in just a bit. Sadly, only about 2-5% give. People forget that the adoptive parent might not have another option.
- They often have been criticized for their choice- This one has been personal for us. If you know our families story – you know my husband was a widow, and had three children. I shared for the first time a few months ago about my own personal struggle with infertility. Because I kept that part of my story out- people think it isn’t true, or that I am playing a sympathy card. I have heard these things from those closest to me. It isn’t true- but the words still hurt. Some adoptive parents are criticized for choosing an adoption with a baby- when there are children in the system. Some are criticized for fostering because they have children in the home. No matter what your choice – someone finds the need to criticize. Adoptive parents need people who will offer supportive words.
- They often feel their faith is being tested – I have had many times in life where I knew God was growing my faith in leaps in bounds. However, to date, our adoption process has grown me and matured me. I trust God for His provision of our financial need. For His protection of our baby. I am learning to trust God in whole new ways.
These are just four reasons- but I can think of many others. The main thing is – the ones who don’t support are the ones we hear. We hear them louder than the supporters- because the ones who doubt are louder.
Do you know an adoptive family – or someone in the process of adopting? Reach out to them this month. As much as November is a month for adoption awareness- these parents need some support too. Get involved and be genuine.
Worshiping With My Life,